Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

I appreciate the world's concern for me, but I wish they understood one thing: I don't get addicted to things. The closest thing to that is my addiction for attempting to tempt myself with addiction.

I mean, studies seem to show that, yes, our physical bodies become naturally addicted to a substance...but a friend and I were talking the other day, about the difference between weak and strong minded people. She has somewhat of a theory that someone with strong will won't really fall into that addiction, and it seems like I might be the candidate for that.

I'll say, I do things out of habit, for sure. Typing this blog, refreshing Facebook, taking naps where I never fall asleep...those activities have habituated themselves into my schedule, but I don't need them. I won't go into relapse without them.

I guess maybe my point is I'm discovering how strong-minded of a person I am, at least perhaps for someone who seems so weak. I'm sure I have my Achille's heel. But a myriad of substances, sexual activities, video games, shopping...they just don't do it for me. I'll try what you ask me to just to see if I can feel something for it.

...But I won't. So it seems.

Sometimes it's as if I'm not even human. But I know I am 'cause I can't stop giving a damn. That's all I've got going for me. I'm real good at sugar and spice and everything nice when I'm not popping off some terrible joke that no one else thinks is funny.

Ha, I guess that's how I have friends, since in regards to my last post (among others) I can't join in to card games or dances or anything that requires remotely any social skills. Give me a self-deprication battle and I'll win hands down, but don't feel sorry for me because in the end I'm egotistical enough to believe I'm one of the kindest, sensible people you'll ever meet. Or at the very least I'll let you puke on me and not hold a grudge.

Why do I always talk about myself when I'm blogging? --I must not dislike myself too much.

But hey, since I haven't been the best at actually doing my homework this semester and replace that time with pointless thinking inside my head, let's reuse that time wisely.

The only addiction I have is to getting enough sleep, and I want to give it up. So can I just start playing laser tag in the nature reserve at one in the morning? And can I just experiment with food again and promise you'll taste it? (Can't believe I used to make my parents dinner.) Why the hell did I stop going for midnight scooter rides across campus anyways? And why haven't I tagged someone's car in ages?

I miss being juvenile. Growing up's boring to do.

Back in those days, I was addicted to one thing: the present.