Lady Sing the Blues So Well.

Number One: I hate Crohn's. I don't even have enough time to write this right now without a break.

Number Two: I hate insecurity. You've all been lookin' for my roots, and here's the truth that I've finally found: no. No one wants it to be a competition: it shouldn't be. But it is. And I always lose. [You can win, you can lose, you can just not play, and the last is worst than the middle. (So I'm rewriting the rules.)]

Number Three: I hate you. You is not you-the-reader-you. You is someone that I refuse to childishly outright call by name, and therefore result to childishly beating around the bush like any old girl.

And one of those numbers is wrong.

Because I don't hate anyone. I really don't. There are people I can barely stand, and people I can't respect, and maybe even people I'm scared of. (They tell me you're not supposed to end sentences with prepositions. That's why I'm an ex-English major, but not really.)

But buddy, let me tell you. (Oh sheer irony to be understood by no one, here. That wasn't on purpose.) I want to make you suffer. Because I'm not nice like they all keep saying. Because I'm bitter. And I am so bitter, so cruel, that I am not going to call you out on it. And I'm not going to let you apologize.

I'm going to make you call yourself out in front of everyone, because that's the worst thing I could make you do.

Merry Christmas, boy.

<3<3<3

Dear world: Please show me honesty.

Seriously. Strip yourself down to the core. (Speaking of strip, wearing no pants in this house was a mistake.) You can be as terrible as you want, I don't care.


Just spit it out. Don't lie about it. Lemme study your upchuck, word for word.

I am an investigator. I want to know everything.

Enlighten me.

<3<3<3

Oh, and dear USPS?

I don't even know if I'd rather my Lexapro or bass get here first, or even that classy Vinyl that's supposedly heading my way, but could you step on it?

<3<3<3

I've heard two contradictories today: Cynicism is sanity. Optimism is sanity.

I am optimistically cynical.

<3<3<3

As if I mean this.